about a year ago after eating a couple grams of mushrooms I started to experience severe anhedonia and depression after not sleeping for three weeks from what I think was caused by heavy drug abuse in high school. I had never been diagnosed with adhd but frequently took any meds I could find to get through highschool while combining it with various amounts of pot, cigarettes , mdma, and alchohol. I started to notice myself changing and happiness fading away but was to caught up in everything to link it to drug abuse. Mushrooms made me realize this but also triggered my anhedonia. I can tell it if I drink large amounts of caffeine or sweet foods due to poor brain functioning, but just in general i have a hard time doing things like reading, keeping up a conversation, comprehending and thinking quickly ect since this has happened and how i ued to be.. My perception is nowhere what it used to be, almost feels like im in a hole or have gone "blind" mentally. I think the mushrooms i ate triggered something like depression or exacerbated the damage although im not sure. It wasnt a bad trip or anything, it was just afterwards things were differnt. My symptoms felt very strange at first but have become somewhat normalized as ive been this way for a long time and have a hard time remembering what things used to be like but some symptoms i struggle with are:Can't remember what I just did, Hard time remembering highschool, and childhood, Have no sense of how I feel or what I want, Feel like there is a hole in my head, Can't judge or make rational decisions, No motivation, When I try to read something I can't remember and have a hard time comprehending, lack of Awareness, Adrenal fatigue, Nervous system feels like it’s in high gear: jump whenever anyone enters the room, Can get good sleep, hard time falling asleep, Can’t react correctly or quick enough to situations, Careless/reckless actions, hard time making decisions and choices, Hard time sticking to job, school,and routine No motivation, Can’t feel emotion, and Hard time explaining myself. For about a year I have been trying to recover with diet and exercise but have a hard time sticking to any routine. Its hard for me to conversate alot of times, its like i dont have the brain capacity to function If I drink coffee which I’m very tempted to do everyday, I’ll find myself up for days binging on junk food one thing after another behind the computer screen until I’m so stuffed I contemplate throwing up because I just can’t get satisfied. Getting drunk does not even feel good to me anymore. ive gotten sober and tried to pretty much stay sober since everything that happened with the mushrooms last year. I’m weary about taking medicine as I feel it could hinder the healing process or make my situation worse. I cant stop binge eating junk food and drinking coffee. I constantly feel i need some sort of stimulation or pleasure. Im having a hard time getting into see a doctor. Im not sure whether to begin trying nootropics or anti depressants. . Im considering trying the mr happy stack (uridine, dha, vit e, and a multi) and then adding choline in. I fear for taking meds as i may never get off of them. Ive also been told to try A carnivore diet. I just want to feel the world again and have my awareness back.Has anyone else struggled with something similiar? I worry i have unrepairable brain damage. any information, advice, or stories that anyone can provide would be greatly appreciated. Im ready to get out of this hole any way i can I just want my brain to function completely like it used to.Im currently stuck in a cycle where i will eat healthy for a couple days and then fall off and binge on sugar and cafiene, yet im desensitized to both. I dont feel hunger anymore, just a need to fill my stomach to feel some sort of pleasure. I have looked intothe mr happy stack but have yet to take it. (dha, multivitamin, uridine, 500iu of mixed vitamin e, and about after a month im to add in a choline source. I understand multiple nueroreceptors may be damaged/down regulated, so not sure if this stack will help anything besides dopamine. Should i just forget it and go see a psychiatrist? I have dug myself into this pit that i cant get out of. .Its like i dont have the willpower to get better.Im obssessive and anxious about which diet i should choose to do. I pretty much love all foods and dont have a problem eating healthy although eating a restrictive diet like keto or trying to fast causes me to binge out and once i start eating junk food i cant stop. I do have good will power and feel good while doing it though. Ive switched around from fasting, omad, keto , paleo but never stuck with a diet for an extended period of time . The longest i followed was strict paleo for three months which had me feeling really good. A lot of people have been mentioning trying an all meat diet, and getting a high amount of nutrients from organ meats and primarily liver. It supposedly has been very effective for allergies and depression. I went out and bought the stuff and have it in my freezer to do. Although my mind switched back and forth and its hard for me to make it up. Im twenty years old, live with my family and feel like my brain is broken, and that i know how to get better but just cant. My nervous system and adrenals feel like they are over stimulated as i jump whenever anyone enters the room and feel under pressure regularly although my enviornment no longer stimulates me. one of the hardest things for me is sticking to a healthy scheduale. My school work i get done because im ocd about it but have no interest in it. It all feels fake to me. Life feels broken, like my controller does not work. I have had many people tell me that if i can maintain a healthy scheduale for a couple years it will get better , but i am not sure how to do it. Im not the person i used to be. Ive pushed all my friends away, and have an eating disorder. Im worried for my health but still have no self control. If i could get away from the computer i know it would help, but life is just bland now and hanging out with people is just a hassle now as everyone just wants to drink and smoke.I know this is a pretty pathetic and depressing story but i need some fucking help and advice and dont know what to do. Im tired of living this way. This is not how its supposed to be. Im ready to get better

The number one problem i have is binging on caffiene and food. Im fortunate i dont have a problem with weight but feel like im ruining my body. i can eat nonstop probably close to 5-10k calories in a day if i let myself go. Is this leptin or insulin resistance? what the fuck should i do. psychiatric medicine scares me to death. But i need some fucking help.